Managing Your Intense Emotions. We are constantly struggling and trying to break free from external expectations? These expectations affects our mental health greatly. A healthy dose of you is a journey, that begins with you. Maintaining an internal balance without allowing external forces to overwhelm you is a conscious decision.
Growing up as a young African woman, my choices were already defined. I was yet to understand who I was as an individual. I was always seeking validation from others, all I did was follow. In a nutshell, I was running away from my responsibility of taking care of myself. In running away from my responsibilities, I failed to grow and understand each developmental stage I was passing through. I sought comfort in the thought that if everyone around me was happy then I was happy. Funny, right? However, this is a reality some of us live in, which is known as the overcompensation mentality, where we assume that if we love and sacrifice ourselves for others then we will be appreciated more.
The hard truth is that in this world of matter, space, and energy, selfishness reigns supreme. If you keep giving of yourself nothing will be reserved for you because no one can truly care about you as much as you will care for yourself. Most people are only interested in what they can get from you. Harsh you will say but that is the sad reality of life. I learned this valuable lesson the hard way.
The path chosen for me was marriage immediately after graduation from High School or University, though I was of marriageable age at the time. But I lacked an important factor which was the maturity to understand marriage, handle a home, or know what it means to be a mother. I felt I was fulfilling the next phrase of the unspoken and unwritten manuscript of life as culture and society demands. For instance, going through school was an obligation so I could fit in (so I thought), but I never considered it as a necessity for my growth and survival. Secondly, getting married was another accomplishment as well as having children. Each time I met with a detour in my life, I always looked for whom to blame and not myself.
It was so much easier to blame anyone and everyone for any decision in my life because of , The Blame complex or mentality that I had. I never appreciated life, I was always looking out for the fall guy in my challenging times. In my shying away from my responsibilities, I was limiting my growth because every up and down or detour we face in life is an opportunity for growth (learning something new about ourselves or situations). During the my detours in life’s journeys, I learned a valuable lesson which is “Everything that happens to me is as a result of certain actions/decisions which I have taken knowingly or unknowingly”.
Meaning your experiences in life are a result of the ripple effects of your choices and decisions.
I hope you walk on this journey with me. You will periodically take a step back to check your actions and reactions to situations and see how it has impacted your life, especially your health. This is what we can accomplish together at a Healthy Dose of You.
Remember what I said about The Overcompensation mentality or mindset earlier, this type of mindset breeds The Blame mindset which eventually is the bedrock for a whole lot of unhealthy states such as depression, Anxiety disorder, Anger management, Bipolar disorder, etc. All these can be prevented, if we stick to making healthy choices that resonate with us as an individual. These choices can be as simple as deciding to be happy each moment and living each moment doing something that will make you happy/proud. If I had followed these simple decisions or steps earlier, I could have been much happier.
Back to my story, because I never took charge of my life I was always angry, resentful, bitter, and insecure. Most times I always felt I would never be good enough and to fill this gap I started overcompensating in everything, being a people pleaser just to be appreciated or validated. Whenever I did not receive the appreciation or validation I sought the lower I sank. My health was fast declining and I started resenting my life and everyone around me because I felt they were the cause of my problems. Gradually, I sank into depression.
Thankfully, I began to realize that I had a problem and began to seek help by speaking up, and sharing my pains and struggles with family and friends. Through speaking up I was able to build a support group of people experiencing similar struggles. This group has been helping me cope and overcome these struggles one day at a time.
I now live much happier, healthier, and content with myself. I no longer seek validation from people to live my life. This will be you in no distant time as we walk together one step at a time.
Feel free to drop your comments or questions. I will be happy to hear and learn from you.
